goodnight i made you a song goodbye
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
