we have officially lost it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
