i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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