i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
