i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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