now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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