The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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