Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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