Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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