just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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