I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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