Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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