True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
