oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
