There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
