i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
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THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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