Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
