new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
