there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
