woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize