4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
