i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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