I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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