dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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