Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
