so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
