if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
