He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
