I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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