When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
