let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You've changed since you got that strap on
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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