I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
