so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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