I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
