you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
