she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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