plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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