I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
