I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
