i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
