Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
