Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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