pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
