so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
