You're my little dorito
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
