Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
