umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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