I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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