we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
