fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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