apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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