he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the day after is always just damage control
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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