the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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