Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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