i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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