Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
