Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
sex in a hospital.. check
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
