Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
