she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
