why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
