the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
