We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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