you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
