Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
