Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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