all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
