You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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