I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
