it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
