i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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