She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
