its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
