Swine flu. Run for my life!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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