she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
