so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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