I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
