best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
